I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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