when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
