an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
