what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
