Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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