I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
