All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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