She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
