The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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