Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I lost the right to judge tonight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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