The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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