what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
