lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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