Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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