oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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