Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
