I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
