I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
