she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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