Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
