Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
