i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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