I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
