its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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