I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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