you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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