thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
