Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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