actually, I'm a sock model
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
