if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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