Pappa wants mamma naked
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
