The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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