Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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