he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
