In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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