walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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