He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
