Me too!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
