no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
