Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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