I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
