No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
