party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
