The maid of honor just puked.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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