I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
