i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
