I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
