My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
