I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
