final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
