And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
