I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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