i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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